I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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