From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
