I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
