we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
It's like God shit irony all over that family
please come you make the beer taste better
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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