Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize