Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
