...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
