I never want to see another naked old woman again.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
