you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
why is half of my head shaved?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
