one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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