I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
