did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
it was like having sex with a tree stump
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
