I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
