At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
