Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
