This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize