He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize