Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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