So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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