I wanna passion pit in your ass
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
