Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
