Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Randomize
