I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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