Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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