Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
