My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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