Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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