Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
