there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
