There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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