hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
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