Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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