i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
