Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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