I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
