Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
