The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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