i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i already hear my dad disowning me
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
