dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
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If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
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Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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