Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
