Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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