Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
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