as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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