I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
