He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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