I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
