i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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