Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
