Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
