I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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