I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
