dude i'm inner monologue high
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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