The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
