I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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