I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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