Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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