Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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