if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Can you bring me the toilet please
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
