I look better un-naked...
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
