There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
