dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize