Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
