I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I faked an abortion last night.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
